Sunday, February 10, 2013

Our Nest.

We bought our first house a year and a half ago. It's been a crazy transition from the constant change of military life to nesting in Colorado. When we moved in we didn't own any furniture- At all. We had the bare minimum and I didn't anticipate the high cost of furnishing a home. So, I had to let go of the idea's Pinterest put in my head and make our house a home on a budget. I had to realize that I can "nest" over time and slowly change our house into the home I want it to be.  So this is where I am 1.5 years later.

                        I put these frames up when we moved in. They still aren't finished.
                                                      Oh well. Someday
                                                       This is my "home office"

                           Above is my Grandpa's Marine photo and my Husbands Marine photo.
                                Below is a my amazing Grandparents wedding. 40+years ago.

                             ...And a gnome lamp. Because every house needs some quirkiness
As I look around our house, I realize It's not the furniture or decorations that make it ours. It's the pictures of loved ones and our favorite books lining shelves. It's the imperfections and the gnome lamp lighting our kitchen. It's home. 

Sunday, November 18, 2012

To be a runner

I recently went to Florida with a good friend. We went to Disney World for the wine and food festival and the Disney half marathon. I was supposed to run this with her and her family, but because of crazy life circumstances i had to stop training in September. I have to admit, when i realized i couldn't run the marathon I was SOOOOO relieved. I never ACTUALLY thought i could run. My legs get itchy (true story) I have a hard time breathing and I pretty much hate it... All that to say i  always WANTED to be a runner, i just thought i couldn't.
Lately I learned that i CAN be a runner. I started running in the mornings and am hating it less and less. I may never love it but that's okay.  I just have to accomplish it. I'm sick of wanting to do something and living with all my "can't not" attitude.
So...I am trying going to be a runner.

We were in Disney World for 7 days and I love it there. It's amazing to eat Cotton Candy and Caramel Corn on a daily basis.

Also! I saw Cake Boss. He was eating at the table next to us. I almost died. I really love cake. 

Monday, November 5, 2012

Salted Caramel Macaroons

It's been a long time blogging world. 

My lovely friend Kalie designed this new blog for me. I love it and want to start by saying Thank you friend! You should start a side business designing pretty things. Seriously. Do it. 

                        Have you ever had a French Macaroon? I recently discovered these beauties and have since been obsessed.They are notoriously difficult to bake, let alone at over 6,000 feet...But I love a good baking challenge! Today I made these Salted Caramel French Macaroons. They still need some work, but i think with a few small adjustments they will be just right. :) 

It's cold outside and I've got Chili on the stove. I am going to make some delicious cast iron cornbread and relax with my husband.  

And Kalie- I'll be better about this whole blogging thing. ;) Thanks again. I really do love it. 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Homemade Honey Wheat Bread (Baked in the oven)

It took me quite a few tries to perfect this recipe. When I moved from North Carolina to Colorado I adjusted it for altitude. To my friends at lower altitudes, i can give you the measurement changes for sea level. Also, I did this all by hand before i had a mixer and it is SO worth it. Hope you enjoy this as much as we do ;)
Honey Wheat Bread :
2 and 1/2 Cups of HOT Water
1/3 Cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1/3 Cup Honey
1 Tablespoon Salt
2 Tablespoons of ACTIVE DRY YEAST
2 Tablespoon melted butter/spread
4 and 1/2 Cups of Whole Wheat Flour
2 Cups Unbleached White Flour
* 1-2 Tablespoons flour for pan dusting.

Combine water, oil, honey, salt, sugar and butter. Mix well. Then add in 2 Cups of whole wheat flour. After the four is mixed in, Add in yeast and mix well. Then add 2 cups white flour and 2 cups whole wheat flour. The dough should be sticky. Cover and let rise for about an hour or until it doubles in size.
Once it has risen, put dough on a floured surface and mix in remaining flour. Butter and Flour loaf pans.
Split into two equal size loafs. Put in pans, cover and let them rise another hour or until dough has doubled i size.
Bake at 350 until crust is nice and brown.

I am working on recipes for sourdough bread, tuscan loaf bread, and cinnamon swirl bread...Once i get good recipes i will post them ;)

Happy baking!

Sunday, February 26, 2012


I have been meaning to do this blog for a long time. Truthfully, I have been putting it off because our house is STILL not done. I don't have a lot on the walls yet and the paint color was supposed to be GRAY...but it came out kind of blue. There is a lot to do still..But this is our little lovely house. ;)

This is the living room

Our Room

The Kitchen nook

The Dining Room.( I am going to re-cover those chairs)
Bathroom. I am in LOVE with the tub

The guest room

I want to paint the cabinets and possibly a few rooms to bring out a more gray color.But i am really enjoying the process of making the house ours. I will post pictures as i get more done ;)

Sunday, November 6, 2011

The best kind of man.

It has been 11 months and 21 days since Ronan left on this deployment. I never would have imagined this year would be so life changing for me.
This year has been so beautifully difficult.
I had amazing opportunities to travel and learn and spend time with family and friends.I started this blog to write through my year of adventures ( i am horrible at keeping any social media up.) And the travel adventures of this year have been amazing, but the biggest adventure has been within myself. I set out to see the world and learn about different types of people and cultures, and I ended up learning more about my own heart and my own life.

I will start by saying my brother is the best kind of man.

I will never forget the day David confronted my pain and hiding. He told me that i would not allow the people who loved me in. He told me he saw my walls and he wanted past them. He told me he loved me and that he wanted to share my pain. He told me he wanted to walk through it with me, to heal together. This has been a year of healing, or a start anyways.

I was blessed enough to spend the year living by my brother and his family. I got to know him again and i realized how much he makes me laugh. I realized how safe i feel when i am with him. When i was a little girl, i was made fun of often...And David was always there, always getting in fights for me. One time the boy picking on me was even bigger than David, So David just came up behind him, pulled down his pants, grabbed my hand and yelled "RUN!" It's probably one of my favorite memories...David always took care of me and my heart, and this year was no different.
This year, David pushed, prodded and made me talk. He laughed with me, cried with me and made me feel as if these wounds i carry are nothing to be ashamed of. He comforted me and made me feel loved in a new way. David made me realize that the past is just that, and the ropes have come undone. That the pain we both carry is real, but we have life and we can and must live in peace. We have the God of the universe on our side, fighting for us, fighting to heal us. I know that to be true because God gave me David. God gave me the most amazing man as a brother, Someone to walk through this with and love through it all. David is one of the reasons i am sure God loves me.
So my greatest adventure has been with my brother. Growing and healing together. Becoming closer and loving him more and more. Its amazing to watch him as a dad and husband. I see Jesus in my brother.I see the glory of God triumph through him and show the world that God is good and he works all things out for the good.

That is my life verse- We know that all things work together for the good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose. Rom 8:28

I believe that with all my heart. I believe in healing and victory. I believe All things work together for the good.

Just recently, the last part of that verse made a huge impact on me...According to his purpose. That is how i want to live.

I am learning to trust, to let God lead...Because i want to live according to his purpose.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Make Believe

you taught me how to make believe

Make believe I was a gift to you from heaven
Make believe that you would take me as your own
Make believe that you would set the mark of what a man should be
you taught me how to make believe
-JJ Heller

For a long time i could not/would not talk about my dad, his leaving or the consequences of his choice to stay out of our lives. For my dad, I don't believe it was an active choice...It just happened. He moved away and rarely called. When he did, it was so sporadic that eventually we decided it was too painful to see him, even once a year. One December i went to my dad's alone.
(my brother would no longer go) I was maybe 8 and i had an armful of presents for my father and step family. When i put the presents under the tree I saw tons of presents, but not one with my name on it. I had been rejected all over again. That was a defining moment in my life. Right then, I knew if i continued to go there i would have to face rejection all too regularly. I was 8 and understood that i had to protect myself. I think this was the first time i put up a wall. I built a wall around my heart and with every blow- it grew. I used to wake up on my birthday and cry, wondering if even on that day, my dad thought of me. I lived in fear of those i love leaving, not being enough to keep anyone. Truthfully, i still struggle with that thought. Even though i know how loved i am. Even though God has proven over and over that i am never alone. Never rejected.

I rarely speak about this because it is one of my deepest wounds. I have been ashamed. Ashamed of my father, his actions and in truth, of myself for not being enough. Or at least thinking i was not. Shame is a nasty thing, especially when it is not yours to own. It roots itself deep and binds a person to the wound. It keeps the wall solid and in place.

When this year started God showed me that there are places in my heart i have never let anyone, not even him. I had my wall up so high that even my savior was not let in. I have lived in protection mode for so long, that I am not even sure how to turn it off. But this is a start. This is truth. This is how i have lived and felt and i can no longer allow myself to feel shame. The shame is not mine.
I could probably write a lot about pain or exactly why this affected me so much. But that really is not my point. My point in writing this is to let go of shame. To surrender to the best of my ability and let God have this. To become open to tearing down that wall. To be vulnerable without being fearful. To let God be God in my life.

I have to add, That even though my dad was not present in my life, God blessed me with an amazing man to fill that role. My grandfather stepped up and loved me more that my father ever could have. In him, i feel that love and protection of a father. God gave me my grandpa and i would not trade him for any dad in the world.

Even more so, God gave me himself. When i was 16ish- I went to Acquire the fire. Another defining moment in my life. I had a moment with God, Where he showed me he was my father. He would fulfill my deepest needs and heal my wounds. He was more than enough. He showed me that i am completely loved and whole in him.

The last part of the song is

You stop me on the staircase
You kiss my hand and say that I look beautiful tonight

And I believe I was a gift to you from heaven
And I believe that you would take me as your own
I believe that you set the mark of what a man should be
Now I don't have to make believe

God also blessed me with an amazing husband. In him, i see Gods immense love for me. I see that God has had me all along. I see that his plans are better than mine.

I may have wounds and insecurities, but i am so ready to let go of my shame. To let the world around me see my brokenness and to let the people who love me in. To let God bring my walls down. To stop living in fear.

For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7